Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Seep Thought

The Exxon Valdez accident is now officially a very minor disaster.

Good God.


Thursday, May 20, 2010

Sen. Ben Nelson: "I Know About the Holograms"

It doesn't surprise or bother me that someone might never have used an ATM before—I'm sure lots of people haven't—although it is a little odd that a senator wouldn't have. (He says he has a credit card—has he never been out of town and needed cash?) But "the holograms"? That's just too funny to pass up.

I think "I Know About the Holograms" needs to be added to the Balloon Juice Lexicon. I've written up a definition, if I'm ever lucky enough to get it in:

"I Know About the Holograms" - A derisive phrase used to mock people bizarrely out of touch with what 99.99% of us would call "the real world," including the man who actually said it, Sen. Ben Nelson (D-Neb). In a discussion about ATM fees, Nelson had just disclosed that he wasn't familiar with them—because he had never used an ATM before. As a way of defending himself for being so out of touch, Nelson said, "I know about the holograms." He meant "bar codes," which made his being out of touch even farther—and more hilariously—out of touch.


Tuesday, May 18, 2010

If You Never Understood Why "Tort Reform" Was Bad...

...then BP and the Gulf oil spill is the perfect illustration.

Supporters of "Tort Reform" want huge corporations, one's just like BP, that cause enormous destruction and suffering to never have to pay their fair share for that destruction and suffering. They want those corporations to be able to behave as recklessly as they like in their pursuit of profits, and never have to pay the price when that recklessness has the expectable results.

It is that simple.

In 1990 Congress passed a law that (among other good things) put a $75 million cap on economic costs caused by oil spills. That means that if this spill goes on for, say, three months, or six months, or a year, and ends up costing Gulf communities and businesses $100 billion—BP won't have to pay for that damage. They, by federal law, would only have to pay $75 million.

This is exactly what supporters of "Tort Reform" want to do. They want to cap damages that huge, reckless corporations pay when their recklessness has expected disastrous results.

It's like if Joe "Drunk Driver" Johnson got a cap of $100 on automobile accident damages. That is exactly what "Tort Reform" is.


Monday, May 17, 2010

Terrorist Crashes Muslim Boobs Into Las Vegas Resort

Ohhh, dear:

With two U.S. flags in front of the stage inside a Dearborn restaurant, Arab Americans cheered, danced, and sang into the night Sunday for Rima Fakih of Dearborn—crowned Miss USA in Las Vegas.

I think Glenn Beck may explode on TV tonight.


Thursday, May 13, 2010

Look in the Dictionary Under "Unchristian"

And you might be surprised to find that it it actually is a word.

You might also find this:

Catholic school refuses admittance to an eight-year-old boy because his parents are lesbians.

A Roman Catholic school in Massachusetts has “withdrawn its acceptance of an 8-year-old boy with lesbian parents, saying their relationship was ‘in discord’ with church teachings.” “I’m accustomed to discrimination, I suppose, at my age and my experience as a gay woman,” one of the boy’s mothers said. “But I didn’t expect it against my child.”


I Wasn't Sleeping - I had "Light Burn"

Holy crap, this is funny.

• Someone says Senator Kit Bond fell asleep during an intelligence briefing.

• Bond denies it, yad yada.

Someone asks Senator Orrin Hatch about it. He says that the lights in the briefing room are so bright that sometimes “you have to rest your eyes for a bit; you get light burn.”

You get "light burn." On your eyes. So you have to close them sometimes. Which is why people can think you're sleeping.


Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Where We Are As A Country, Con't

You can now be attacked, publicly, via an ad on the TV, for believing in science.

[said with truckloads of incredulity] Bradley Byrne...said evolution best explains the origins of life?

Worse: Byrne is fighting back against the "utter lies" that he believes in science:

As a Christian and as a public servant, I have never wavered in my belief that this world and everything in it is a masterpiece created by the hands of God. As a member of the Alabama Board of Education, the record clearly shows that I fought to ensure the teaching of creationism in our school textbooks. Those who attack me have distorted, twisted and misrepresented my comments and are spewing utter lies to the people of this state.

This has been another edition of Where We Are As A Country.


Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Where We Are As A Country

It is now considered normal and thoughtful and generally okay for a longtime, respected senator to hope that an American citizen under arrest was not read his rights as an American citizen. That actually scores points for you among significant sectors of our country. What's next? John McCain saying it would be a “serious mistake” if police got a warrant for his arrest? Or it would be a "serious mistake" if they police followed any rules at all in apprehending him? Would that score points for him, too?

This has been another edition of Where We Are As A Country.