The General reads the
Warblogger' Handbook to find out when it's okay to torture:
1) Jack Bauer waterboards Wiley J. Coyote and learns of a plot Mr. Coyote hatched with the Clintons to murder a portion of the population of Mena, Arkansas by rigging at least 732 ACME anvils to fall on their heads.
Ruling: Not torture. The anvils could have killed a lot of people so waterboarding does not "shock the conscience."
2) Jack Bauer waterboards J. Wellington Wimpy and learns that he never pays anyone on Tuesdays for the hamburgers he eats today.
Ruling: Not prosecutable because the Inquisitor General isn't sure what "shocks the conscience" means.
3) Jack Bauer waterboards Bugs Bunny and learns that he often dresses like a really hot female bunny and kisses men.
Ruling: Not prosecutable because the previous Inquisitor General was OK with it.
