George Washington: "I Cannot Tell a Lie. Glenn Beck Can, Though."

America's Creepy Uncle lies to his "restore honor" crowd. Yep. Sounds about right.

I'll hide behind a smile
and understanding eyes
and I'll tell you things that you already know
so you can say
I really identify with you, so much
and all the time that you're needing me
is just the time that I'm bleeding you
don't you get it yet?
I'll come to you like an affliction
and I'll leave you like an addiction
you'll never forget me
you wanna know why?
cause I'm a liar

"Palin" is So Close to "Pain"

Ow. Just ow. "All of them"? Are you kidding me? She walked into another "all of them" moment? Good gawd, that is just too much.



And is it just me or does Glenn Beck hate Sarah Palin? She looks close to tears when he says, "What, for a beer?' to her "collectively they came together" gibberish.

Dems Win Presidency: Fox News Wants Terrorist Attack

It's the only hope to save America from, you know, the stuff Americans voted for.

O'Reilly and Beck Play With Barbie Dolls to Go After ACORN

They're still going on about ACORN? Holy crap.

Republicans: Please keep watching these people. Please. Please keep listening to Limbaugh and all the rest. I'm begging you. Because if you do, in 20 years we'll have Australian-style health care, less nukes in the world than any hippie every dreamed about, decades of peace and a much happier world all around.

Please. Watch O'Reilly. Watch Beck. We'll take care of the country.

Cracked.com Reviews Glenn Beck's "Comedy" Show

The review comes with notes taken during the show, like the one pictured. Here's an excerpt:

Now, I’m no historian or anything, but I feel confident in saying that I am Cracked.com’s Senior Authority on Motherfucking Presidents, and I certainly know enough to realize that, when you’ve got your audience booing Theodore Fucking Bullet-taking Fucking judo-mastering Fucking Bull Moose Roosevelt, then there is something profoundly wrong. Wrong with you, your audience and your bastardized perversion of history.

Full review here.

There is No Push For a "Global Currency"

Michelle Bachman is so embarrassingly stupid that if I lived in Minnesota I'd lie and say I was from Wisconsin.

Here's a lesson for the stupidest person in Congress:

The remarks you refer to when you talk about a "global currency" are about the international reserve currency. It has nothing - absolutely nothing - to do with the existence or non-existence of the dollar.

Matthew Yglesias:

This falsehoods here are coming so fast and loose that it’s hard to know where to start here. But to get to the main point, most countries hold “reserves” of various kinds—foreign currency and gold. Most countries, right now, primarily hold dollars. Euros are also popular, and Yen and British Pounds somewhat less so. The United States of America does not, obviously, hold any dollars in our reserves. We actually have quite a lot of gold. And different countries vary their practices in this regard. But most countries mostly hold their reserves in dollars. So the dollar is, in effect, the “global reserve currency.” The IMF also issues something called Special Drawing Rights that countries can use as a reserve asset. SDRs work as a kind of meta-currency, with their value based on a basket of major world currencies. A Chinese official suggested that it might be good for the world to tilt away from such a heavy reliance on dollars as the reserve currency of choice, since this leaves countries exposed to policy decisions in the United States, and toward something more SDR-like that would be balanced between dollars and euros and yen and pounds and so forth.

A good rule to live by: if Michelle Bachman and Glenn Beck are talking, they're either lying or wrong, or a lot of both.

Google "Glenn Beck Creepy" - I Rule

I am so freaking proud right now. So FREAKING proud.

Thanks you, world, thank you.

Glenn Beck Quarantined For Highly Toxic Stupidity

Into the stupid ward.

Glenn Beck is dumber than a pumpkin

But you knew that.

Much bigger story here regarding NSA domestic spying crimes.

Glenn Beck Said Something Stupid

America's Creepy Uncle™ still has a job at CNN. Only he and whoever he has the photos of know why.

Glenn Beck: America's Creepy Uncle [Updtd]

I figured Glenn Beck's hiring at CNN was something the network would wake up from rather quickly. But no. There he is, two and some odd years later, hosting a daily program on "The Most Trusted Name in News." Yippee for us.

Here's a tid-bit from the Beck bio, eerily similar to that of America's Creepy Viagra Huffer, Rush Limbaugh:

Beck's radio career started at age 13 when he won a local radio contest to be a disc jockey for an hour. Soon after, Beck juggled three different radio jobs at a Christian station, a rock station and a country music station but was fired from all three on the same day at age 14.

Wait, there's more:

After a bout with alcoholism and drug addiction, Beck became a Mormon and embarked on a new career in talk radio.

I've put together a Modern Republican Success Template: fail; fail; fail; fail; fail while drunk or high; do something churchy; make millions being pompously ignorant and intolerant on radio and TV (or become president).

It's beautiful, really. You can almost see Jesus' eyes shining through it.

And what wisdom has Uncle Glenn brought the masses? This:

That was Hitler's plan. His enemy: the Jew. Al Gore's enemy, the U.N.'s enemy: global warming.

And, on his radio show, not long before being hired by CNN:

"[I'm] thinking about killing Michael Moore, and I'm wondering if I could kill him myself, or if I would need to hire somebody to do it. No, I think I could."

And this, which one can almost hear coming from the lips of Thomas Jefferson:

We must preserve our symbols of national pride and power, be they a flag, a cross, characters like Superman or G.I. Joe.

And this one, which I think especially shines a light on the CNN employee's inner world. It's America's Creepy Uncle offering sage advice on "ugly women":

OK, so anyway, I was talking about ugly people. Ugly people, if you're a guy, you can get past it. I don't think you can as an ugly woman. I don't -- no, I don't. If you're an ugly woman, I apologize. Oh, you've got a double cross, because if you're an ugly woman, you're probably a progressive as well. Oh, jeez. I'm sorry. Today's just not your day. But you know what? If you believed in God, you'd know that there's going to be another chance for you. You don't have to be ugly in heaven. You're going to be your perfect self, and there will be another perfect somebody waiting for you on the other side. Until that time...

CNN: the most trusted name in beautiful, godly news. And we're talking Glenn Beck beautiful and godly.

Update: Oh Lord, Beck on CNN today:

CHETRY: So you think that it was a bad move for [Obama] to meet with Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas?

BECK: I think it is. […] But if you’re sitting down and you’re talking to people, as he has said that he wants to do, and try to bring everybody together, you cannot bring people together that have extremist ideology. […] You do not get into bed with people that want to destroy you and run you into the sea.

Uh, Glenn, both Pesident Bush and John McCain have met with Palestinian president Mahmoud Abbas:

Bush has said Abbas is “a man of courage,” “a man of peace,” and a leader who is “willing to speak out and act on behalf of people who yearn for peace” while McCain has said Abbas is someone capable of settling “differences in a peaceful and amicable fashion.”

Funny and sad, sad and funny.

Media Matters = Good; Glenn Beck = Not Good

How can I tell the difference between Glenn Beck and people who rape children? How do I know that Glenn Beck is not working with people who rape children?

Can I get a show on CNN now?

Glenn Beck: Your Moral Compass on CNN

Yes, the man who thinks Hurricane Katrina victims are "scumbags", and, in the same program says he hates 9/11 victims' families, thereby giving evidence of his all-around good American value system, is now giving us lessons on the moral equivalency of withdrawal from Iraq...and slavery.

Leaving Iraq would be, the Glenn says, “America’s most shameful act of immorality since slavery." I'm thinking he's not adding his addition to CNN - Critically North of Nutziodlville - to that equation.